Friday, April 17, 2009

OK. I've lost what little of my mind was left.

I bought an Edward "action figure." Yeah, I know. I'm a dork. But that's ok. I've known it for a while, but now, apparently, I'm embracing it whole-heartedly.

Today, I was at the (now bankrupt) Woodlands Mall. I was getting my grey covered up (it's not GREY... it's platinum blonde!) and my hair cut. But, it was threatening to rain of Noah proportions, so I got there 1 1/2 hrs earlier to avoid looking like a drowned rat. I had some serious time to kill. I killed some time trying the expensive samples at Sephora and buying undies at Gap Body... but not enough. This is how I found myself at Spencers.

Ah, Spencers. The gift from the gods for killing copious amounts of time. That's where I saw him: Pocket Edward.

You have to know that I've been following a really funny blog for a while now called Twitarded. The girls who run this blog have a "pocket Edward" that they take with them places and take pictures, etc. I'm incredibly jealous of their creative Edward pictures and the hilarious stories that go with them. So, what did I do when I saw Edward hanging there on the wall in Spencers? I bought him, lied when the sales clerk asked if I was buying it for me, came home and started a blog.

Actually, BEFORE I came home, I did get my hair done. Like the Twitarded girls travel everywhere with their Pocket Edward, I travel everywhere with my Kindle2. It comes in really handy when, say, you're getting your hair done at the mall and the only thing to read while sitting under a dryer is last month's issue of Seventeen (the prom issue, I might add). Katie, the girl who cuts my hair (in non-Mom styles), asked me about my Kindle. I showed her the home screen which lists all the books I have stored on it. I have it set up to list my most recently read books first. Of course, listed right there are the four Twilight books and The Host. She gets all excited because it turns out that Katie is a big Twilight fan. She saw the movie nine times... just in the theater. So, since she appears "circle of Twi-hard trust" worthy, I show her what I had just bought at Spencers. "Oh! I have one! But, I'm not taking mine out of the box." Suddenly, I don't feel so alone in my dork-dom.

I get home (after fighting some horrendous traffic and flood waters) and break the news of my purchase to my husband hoping that he doesn't reach for the phone and dial the nice men in the white coats. We all know that he's known about my lack of mental stability for some time now and probably has a nice padded room on reserve for me. I tell him my wonderful plans to take Pocket Edward to a crawfish boil tomorrow for fun and excitement. Shockingly, he doesn't call the funny farm. He doesn't even get upset at my frivolous purchase. He just continues stirring the dinner he's making on the stove (which was AWESOME btw).

After dinner (and a beer), I get the scissors to release Pocket Edward from his plastic enclosure. I get him out and try to stand him upright. He has to stand up on his own, right? A sense of balance would sure help in composing good (and hopefully funny) pictures. Nope. Just falls backwards. So, I start moving his head and arms to see just how to accomplish this feat.

Uh oh. Crap. I'm holding Edward in one hand and HIS hand in the other. Well, his lower arm and hand actually. Damn it. I've had this thing for two whole minutes and I've already broken it. That's gonna put a damper on pictures. No, wait! That could make for some funny pictures! No, no, no. I'll try to fix him. Hmmm. Won't go back together.

So here is my Edward doll, looking more like Riley after his encounter with Seth in Eclipse. Super-awesome husband to the rescue! With superman-like strength, he popped that vampire's arm right back in to place. I guess he's gotten lots of practice with the kids' toys.

Hindsight being 20/20, I should have taken a picture. I mean, that's what I'm supposed to be doing with him right?


  1. Are you sure that James didn't come back from the dead again and rip P.E.'s (Pocket Edward's) hands and head off -- trying to inflict his revenge after being humiliated and completely torn apart in the ballet studio????

  2. P.E. needs to come over and see Taylor. She thinks he is so hunky and sexy. Personally, I think he is secretely the father of her unborn child.

  3. Oh boy, you're in for it now. The next thing you know you'll be sitting in some tattoo parlor while your friend is trying to sneak furtive shots of you and Edward while you're sitting in the chair...

    Congratulations. You've joined the ranks of the batshite crazy. ;)

    Glad you like us!! We can't wait to see some of your Edward escapades!!!

  4. OMG! How geeked out am I right now that Jenny Jerkface commented on my blog?!