There will always be a need for proctologists

This regularly scheduled Twilight doll-based (sort-of) blog will be temporarily interrupted for a lunch-time rant that I need to get off my chest.

I had to run out and get some office building key-duplicates made. It was lunch time, so I intended on picking up lunch for everyone while I was out. There's a craptastic Subway next door to the key place, so that seemed the easiest thing to do. I really don't like this Subway. The parking lot is tiny and they don't carry fresh spinach (unlike the Subway I normally go to in the huge Kroger parking lot).

I guess they don't carry a lot of things anymore, like wraps, apples or normal (non-sweet) tea. So, I get flat bread for the person who wanted a wrap, strawberry yogurt for the already grouchy my-wife-kept-me-up-late-watching-Deadliest-Catch-and-Ghost-Hunters husband that wants apples and nothing to drink for the diabetic, wrap person.

I come out to get in the Clubman and what do I find? Some A-Hole has parked his big honkin', long-bed, Dodge truck sideways behind me... still running. Did I mention no one was even in it?! What were they trying to say? "Oh, sorry for blocking you in and everything, but see? I left it running! That means I plan on coming back soon, right?" Insert irony here: IT'S FREAKIN' EARTH DAY, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! Really? Leaving a big-ass diesel truck running for 15+ minutes while you go inside Subway and have lunch is soooooo eco-conscience!

Tempted as I was to move the land yacht myself (keys WERE in it, obviously), I decided to wait a few minutes for the idiot to come out and move. A few minutes later, I was still waiting. OK, I'm hungry. The people at work are, I'm sure, hungry. I can a.) go inside Subway and yell, "Can the mentally-challenged person in the green Dodge truck please come move his vehicle so he'll quit blocking the other cars from leaving?" or b.) inch back and forth until I can gradually get my car out. The first one had one major drawback: there's a liquor store next door and he could be in there instead of Subway. Yelling in two stores is more effort than I want to spend. So, plan B it was. I was lucky that I was parked next to handicap space, so it was more viable. However, I'm in a Clubman which is like driving an SUV compared to my normal-sized MINI. It wasn't easy, but I did manage to get out.

Hindsight being 20/20, I should have asked Edward to shove it out of the way for me.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled blog....